I have been flooded by these things. Verifiably inundated. Smothered. Bombarded. Feelings are driving me to my knees today.
I just want to scream out loud something like..."I am so fucked up I can't think straight"... and then burst into a barrage of some of the most incredible crying ever witnessed! That doesn't bid well for continued employment however. How the hell am I going to get out of this one? This thought continuously replays in my highly limited brain. How? My historic approach was to use alcohol, drugs, people and geography to hide from how I really felt. The game has changed. It had to and I know this...but shit man, the new way can be so damned difficult. No more lubrication for my bearings of denial. They are seizing up and the old ways are being forced the way of T-Rex, flint-locks and the Where's the Beef lady. I can't help but dream of the days when there were two channels and two flavors of Gatorade.
I have faith that my complete ineptitude at dealing with life will improve to at least a basal level. I know that one day, and it could be tomorrow, it's going to be great to have the option of Berry Blast and 10 different types of HBO. It will come and whatever is to be will be. It's going to come a lot faster when I can relenquish my imaginary control of everything in my life. In fine style, my insatiable appetite for control is what chained me down in the first place. My spirit laughs at me. You should too.
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1 comment:
Well I know you didn't want me to like this, and you didn''t want me to complement you, but I must. This writing isn't nearly as bad as your self deprecation and slander would have it out to be. I enjoy it and believe that you should continue to write, as it has been shown than those who reveal, even focus on, the most emotional aspects of their lives are going to make it through them happier and healthier. Write on man!
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