Tomorrow will be four months clean and sober. Hard to believe. Being the incredible self-critic I am...I can't believe that I am not yet President, or Vice President, or always humble, or always anything for that matter. I am still me, no matter what I do, where I am, or where I am going. There is solace in this bit of knowledge, but also a tremendous amount of exasperation...after all, I've spent a lifetime trying to get away from me.
Present. I know if I can just stay present, everything is going to be just the way it is...which is how it should be, if it is anything at all. Anywhere from once to twenty times a day, I dip a toe into the future or the past. The result is always the same...extreme amounts of stress and fear. I feel almost incapacitated when these two show up in any amount. Yeesh! You'd think I might learn but no, no, no.
On the other hand, I feel more has been accomplished in the last four month period than ever before in my life. I guess the present key is to remain grateful and happy. Funny what happened when I first started tasting reality...I just wanted more and more. Greed creating a state of perpetual unrest. Well, living clean and sober definitely isn't boring....this is for sure.
Adjustment, a very close friend of mine said, is the key to life. I think he may be right. Possessing the ability to make constant small adjustments in methods of living has been a key element in the procurement of happiness. The Universe proves daily that there are few constants. The whole system is comprised of a perpetual series of adjustments and changing relationships. Food for thought.
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